People have different kinds of relationships throughout their lives. There are relationships with family, friends, co-workers and sexual or intimate relationships. Healthy relationships can offer support and comfort and improve overall health and well-being. When you think about your relationships, think about what makes a relationship healthy, unhealthy or abusive.
Sharing Feelings
Each person feels safe, comfortable, respected and strong enough to tell each other how they really feel.
Communicating
Each person listens to and respects the other’s point of view. They make decisions together.
Disagreements
Each person has an equal say in the relationship. They show respect even when they disagree. They work things out together, so they each get what they need.
Intimacy and Sex
Partners are honest about how they feel about being physical and having sex. No one feels pressured to do anything they don’t want to do. They want their partner(s) to enjoy and feel safe being themselves.
Trust
Each person trusts the other(s). They are comfortable with their partner or friend spending time with other people.
Time Alone
Each person can spend time alone and think of this as a healthy part of the relationship. There is a balance between time alone and time with each other.
Verbal
Each person values the differences between each other and works to be non-judgmental. Each tries hard not to talk harshly to or about each other.
Violence
There is no physical violence (such as pushing, slapping, shaking, choking, punching or forcing sex) or threat of violence in the relationship.
Sharing Feelings
One person feels uncomfortable saying how they really feel.
Communicating
One person ignores the other, does not respect different opinions, or talks rudely.
Disagreements
One person is manipulative and isn’t accountable for their actions. The other person may go along with things they aren’t comfortable with because they were pressured into it.
Intimacy and Sex
One person is embarrassed or feels unsafe to say how they feel or what they need. They may go along with things they aren’t comfortable with because they were pressured into it. The needs of one person may be met but the other(s)’ needs may be overlooked.
Trust
One person feels jealous when another person talks to or spends time with someone else.
Time Alone
One person thinks there may be something wrong if another wants to do things without them. They try to keep the other person to themselves.
Verbal
There have been a few times when harsh words were used, and one person felt they may be harmed. However, there is no clear pattern of abuse yet.
Violence
There is physical violence in the relationship with no regular pattern.
Sharing Feelings
One person feels afraid to tell the other how they really feel. They fear being rejected, abandoned, being ‘put down’ or threatened.
Communicating
One person treats the other with disrespect, ignores their ideas and feelings, or makes fun of them. They may use names and words to hurt.
Disagreements
One person may use violence or threats to make another person do what they don’t want to do. The other person may be pushed into doing things that make them feel uncomfortable, afraid or ashamed.
Intimacy and Sex
One person ignores the needs and wants of the other(s). A person may be pushed into doing things that make them uncomfortable, afraid or ashamed. Sexual activity may happen without consent.
Trust
One person accuses their partner of flirting or having an affair. They may order them to not talk to other people.
Time Alone
One person doesn’t let the other spend time doing things alone. They see it as a threat to the relationship. They may keep a close watch on the other person’s activities and keep them from family and friends.
Verbal
There is a pattern of verbal or mental abuse. This may include damaging belongings, name-calling, and threats to hurt or kill the other person, a family member or a pet.
Violence
There is a pattern of increasing, ongoing abuse which could include emotional, physical, sexual abuse and/or intimidation that may be getting worse.
*Adapted from Myhealth.alberta.ca and TeachingSexualHealth.ca
Know the signs of abuse and how to get support. Make sure you are safe. If you or someone you know are in immediate danger, call 911.
Know you are not responsible for the abuse
Abuse can happen to people of all ages, abilities, cultural and spiritual backgrounds, gender identities and sexual orientations. Abuse can happen when you least expect it.
Understand that the abuse and violence will likely continue if you don’t get help
Abuse and violence usually become more frequent and more severe over time. When you are thinking about your choices, be as realistic as you can be in determining what the risks are in your situation.
Tell someone you trust
Secrecy gives abuse more power. When you tell another person, you are using your power to improve the situation. Tell someone who will listen and offer support. Keep telling people you trust until you get the help that you need.
Find people and resources to support you
You are not alone. Others have had this experience and lived through it. Once you start looking for sources of help, you will meet people who understand your situation and can help you learn more about available resources.
Get professional help
Contact a qualified counsellor that understands abuse and violence in intimate relationships. If the first counsellor is not a good fit, try someone else. People who work in the area of family violence may be able to help you find an appropriate counsellor.
Care for yourself
Keeping yourself and others safe requires a lot of energy. Self-care is important to renew your energy and stay connected to others who may help you when you need them.
Spend time with supportive people
Being with supportive people and fostering healthy relationships will be a rewarding experience and will give you a support network in times of need.
*Adapted from Myhealth.alberta.ca and TeachingSexualHealth.ca
Make sure you are safe. If you or someone you know are in immediate danger, call 911.
Once you start looking for sources of help, you will meet people who understand your situation and can help you learn more about available resources.
Alberta Family Violence Info Line
Alberta’s One Line for Sexual Violence
Abuse Helpline
Mental Health Helpline
Men’s Helpline
Ready or Not contains a lot of information. So we created My To-Do List for you to use as a personal reminder, share with your partner, or bring to your next check-up.
Be sure to click “Add this to my To-Do List” anytime you see something you want to print, email, save, or share. Because we do not ask for any personal information, your list will only be saved for a week after your last added item.
